F1: The Movie - I Came to Hate, I Stayed Because It Looked Fucking Awesome

Shallow AF Reviews is for anyone who's sick of pretentious film critics wanking on about "thematic depth" and "cinematic language" like they're curing cancer. Honestly, who gives a toss about the mise-en-scène when you just want to know if the new blockbuster is a load of shite or not? These reviews cut the crap, ditch the film-school jargon, and tell you, with a healthy dose of sarcasm and profanity, whether a film is actually worth two hours of your rapidly dwindling life. It’s less about intellectual masturbation and more about whether it’s entertaining. Simple as that.

Alright, let's get this over with. As a proper F1 fan, I sat down "F1: The Movie" fully expecting to despise every single second. My arms were crossed, my cynical bastard mode was fully engaged, and I was ready to rip this Hollywood garbage a new one.

Another racing film, probably as realistic as a Lada wining the Le Mans, right? I was prepared for two hours of sanitised, dumbed-down shite for people who think DRS is a delivery company.

But here's the thing... the bastards actually made me... like it.

Don't get me wrong, the plot is utterly ridiculous. Brad Pitt, looking suspiciously good for a bloke who's meant to be an ageing has-been, makes a comeback after 30 years? And he's immediately competitive? Pull the other one, it's got bells on. The story has more holes than a Tory party promise and makes about as much sense. It's Top Gun style cheesy, clichéd, and the way they treat the actual rules of F1 will make any real fan wince. It's the kind of plot that feels like it was written by someone whose entire knowledge of motorsport comes from playing Mario Kart.

But—and this is a big but—the reason I didn't walk out is simple: the racing scenes are fucking spectacular. Watch it on a big a screen as you can, with as loud a sound system as you can, you won't be disappointed.

Honestly, the on-track action is incredible. The camera work puts you right in the cockpit, making you feel the G-force and the sheer chaos of it all in a way I've never seen before. It's intense, visceral, and just looks bloody brilliant. They clearly spent the entire budget on making the cars look cool as fuck, and you know what? Money well spent.

So, yeah. I wanted to hate it. I really, truly did. The story is a load of old bollocks. But did it keep me entertained? Absolutely. It's a classic case of style over substance, but when the style is this good, who gives a toss about the substance?

I'd give it 4 beers out of a 6-pack. It's dumb, but it's fun dumb.

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