Shallow AF Reviews ⁽⁶⁾

Shallow reviews of stuff.

24 September 2025

Film poster showing a Jenny Ortega on the right looking up in apparent terror at a massive scary animal muzzle looming from the left, complete with yellowed fangs and dark lips and hair. The purple text "DEATH OF A UNICORN" dominates the centre against a backdrop of lush green countryside. Turns out unicorns are rather more frightening than the sparkly ponies we were promised in childhood stories.

31 August 2025

Brad Pitt stands heroically beside a Formula 1 car, wearing pristine racing overalls and sporting the kind of ruggedly handsome stubble that suggests he's never actually changed a tyre. The cinematic lighting and dramatic pose scream "I'm definitely the coolest 60-year-old on the grid" whilst the movie poster promises yet another Hollywood take on motorsport that'll probably make actual F1 fans wince.

5 May 2025

Movie poster for "The Expendables 4" showing a line of aging action stars including Statham, Stallone, 50 Cent, Fox, Lundgren, and others against a red and green explosion background. The tagline reads "OLD BLOOD MEETS NEW BLOOD" above the title "EXPEND4BLES" with a September 22 release date. Just another desperate attempt to squeeze money from a franchise that should've been put in a retirement home three films ago, featuring the usual suspects of actors who apparently can't say no to a paycheck.

16 March 2025

A promo image for the movie "The Electric State". It features a cartoonish robot's spherical yellow head looking straight out of the image.

27 December 2024

7 December 2024

Jake Gyllenhaal from Road House (2024)