Why 'theaardvark'? An Origin Story

People sometimes ask why I go by 'theaardvark'. It’s a fair question, since it’s not exactly a usual name—unless, of course, you hang out with pople for whom aardvarks are the gold standard for personal branding (are there any such people? other than me, obv). I usually give a quick answer, but here’s the full, thoroughly underwhelming story.

It began in my early twenties, a time when my ambitions peaked at ‘mildly amusing’. I used to publically speculate that I’d leave my thrilling post as a VAT Officer for HMC&E; an occupation so electrifying, it involved an office-issued calculator. My plan was to launch an aardvark pest control company. Genius, really: I’d turn up at your house, scatter some mystical aardvark repellent dust, and guarantee you’d never see an aardvark there. If you did, you’d get your money back.

It was a foolproof plan. I’ll admit, I borrowed the idea from a Peter Cook joke about elephants, but aardvarks seemed a bit more niche. It felt more like me.

A few years later, when I started a real business as an in-demand DJ and entertainment agent, the name was obvious. That’s how “aardvark.dj Entertainments” was born. The genius was that “aardvark” is near the top of any alphabetical list . Back then, we had the Yellow Pages, which was a big book of phone numbers delivered to every house. Being first in the A’s was the 90s version of search engine optimisation. Some taxi companies even called themselves “...1st Cabs” just to get ahead.

Then, social media arrived, with the need to create a unique brand in as few characters as possible. 'The Aardvark' seemed the obvious choice. In homage to the glory days of Usenet and internet forums, where capital letters and spaces were considered unnecessarily flamboyant, I went with 'theaardvark'. All one word, all lowercase. A quiet, understated sort of name for a quiet, understated sort of chap.

So there you have it. It started as a joke about pest control, became a strategically “genius” business name, and eventually settled as my online alias. It’s not an exciting story by any stretch, but it’s mine. And, it could have been worse. I could have been ‘thewarthog’.

Now, so many people know me as “theaardvark” or “Aardvark Paul” that it’s only a matter of time before my post arrives addressed to ‘Mr. A. Vark’. I respond to ‘theaardvark’ as readily as “Paul”, which would only ever be awkward if there’s an actual aardvark being called. But truthfully, I really like the name. It’s quietly unremarkable, slightly odd, and entirely mine. I’ve embraced it everywhere.

Besides, I could have chosen ‘thewarthog’. Imagine the branding challenges there.